I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
