i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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