You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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