love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
two words...techno handjob
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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