So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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