guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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