Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
