Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
