i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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