soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I FOUND THE LEGS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
