dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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