what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
