I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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