the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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