Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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