Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
