can we get nightvision for the apartment?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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