jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
