Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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