NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
