Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
