The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
