Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We talked him into tasing himself.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
