Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
