Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
