I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
