I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
