dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
my liver is dry heaving
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
