My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
