Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
