she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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