ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
