The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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