The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
