She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
