talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize