I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
