Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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