Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
