Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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