The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
