Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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