So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
