yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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