I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
