You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
