Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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