I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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