Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
