wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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