i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
