ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
