dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
