my mouth tastes like poor choices
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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