i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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