i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
did you just send me my own nude
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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