We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
