This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
