The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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