We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
