Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize