sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
