What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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