apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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