Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
