hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You are the jesus of drinking
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
