I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
