a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize